The Crust In My Heart

Amazing.

Michael Mutale

Behold the crust in my heart
My unkind protector of emotions
Strong enough to hold a David’s army of girls
But just like cold water flowing over ice,
Splendor mists it
This girl is splendid.
Rush is slow, excitement is too calm a feeling
And grey simply is a contamination of both white and black, just right
To describe the split-seconded quakes of feelings
That thrill through me whenever she, ignores me.
The rush wind that blows ferociously
Doesn’t lift the leaves high enough
Like her jaws lift her cheeks whenever she smiles
The crust in my heart,
Just simply is
A coating.

~Michael Mutale

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NEWLY ELECTED UPA PRESIDENT PLEDGES TRANSPARENCY AND VISIBILITY.

story by lilian Nansubuga

The deputy director of Butabika hospital, and newly elected president of the Uganda Psychiatric Association Dr. Juliet Nakku, has urged for astrong and visible leadership at a symposium under the theme of experience and practices in Uganda that was held at Silver springs hotel on Wednesday 1st of August.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr.Juliet Nakku (center) speaking at the Uganda Psychiatric Association Symposium at silver springs hotel on Wednesday.      Photo by Nansubuga Lilian

The symposium intended at clarifying the laws that govern psychiatrists in Uganda and the objectives of the Uganda Psychiatric Association.

“In order to achieve the objectives stipulated in the constitution, the association needs a strong team, hardworking, transparent and accountable to carry the mantle,” Dr. Nakku noted.

She further highlighted the objectives of the association.

The first objective being the promotion of continuous education in the field of psychiatry.

Secondly, promoting research in general in specific psychiatry issues affecting Uganda in particular.

Thirdly, promoting high quality and evidence based mental health service delivery.

Fourthly, to advice government and universities and commission bodies in general in case of any problems in psychiatry in Uganda,

Fifth objective is to promote cooperation in science and the health care of the members of the association through regular communication meetings,

Sixth objective is to improve communication between the members and other professional bodies in Uganda and the rest of the board,

Lastly, to promote the image of psychiatry in Uganda guided by the ethical practice to advocate for the human rights concerns for the mentally ill in the country.

She hailed the outgoing UPA president and the entire executive committee for the time, hard work and support they have provided to the association throughout the years.

However, she also reminded them that handing over office does not mean they should go on a vacation, but to continue supporting the association wherever they will be.

“I look forward to being that leader that will inspire you to dream more, to learn more, to do more and to ultimately become more,” Dr. Nakku said.

 

 

 

DEEP DOWN THE GROUND

Are you sure you want to embody on earth? totally. The decision is taken.- are you aware of the challenges you face? – I’ve never incarnated on that planet, so I don’t know what the concepts of fear”,”pain”, “loneliness”, or ” sadness” really mean. maybe the one that worries me the most is that of “death”. i cant understand the idea of cease to exist forever: that’s impossible but humans think its like this. Whatever it is, my soul wishes to “go down” and experience all that, contribute my light and contribute with my being to the change of consciousness. when you are down there, ;limited by the physical body and wondering what you are doing in that place, you will understand” from this state of conscience you cant even feel what it means to experience density and limitation. i assume the challenge.- then, if that’s your will, i just have to wish you a happy journey through the three dimensional world and remind you that we will be with you from this dimension, watching you and guiding you. if you get to open your heart enough, task that is not at all simple, you will be able to” listen to us “and and to perceive our signs. and whats the best way to open up your heart? – listen to him,. listen to your inner voice. let yourself go and let go of the resistance that things on earth are not as you wish. accept you, in short, just as you are. only that way you can accept the others and honor their learning. the peace and love that will arise in you as a result of that acceptance will automatically put you in contact with us . okay, i will keep it in mind. -no my friend… you’ll forget. it’s the rules. you will have to remember it as your physical body, already contaminated with judgments, attachments, and negative beliefs, grow and become an adult. the light of your soul must emerge between the darkness of fear,mistrust, and misunderstanding. trust, beloved our: we are sure you will be able to get. 

UN-DISAPPOINTED

The damp timbers creaked under her feet as she wondered if the fog would lift. She half-hoped it would not.

She was still small and timorous when her uncle had brought her here for the first time. “And you won’t be disappointed,” he had laughed, the lines about his eyes creasing in merriment.

It was only later that she understood his joke. It still made her smile.

Indeed, she loved Cape Disappointment. Even in the fog. Perhaps especially in the fog, in its unique magic. She’d read that almost a third of a year’s hours are spent in fog on the headland, masking rivers, hugging sand.

A gust of wind dripped cold into her collar and she laughed. Her uncle used to shake a branch onto her. This felt like a gift.

“You were right, Uncle,” she wiped a tear. “This place did not disappoint. Neither did you. Not once.”

 

 

COULDN’T YOU HAVE WAITED A LITTLE LONGER?

It was too early for you to go, many times i find myself alone amidst a huge crowd. in a house full of people but i still fee alone. am the kind of person who loves seeing everyone happy. i don’t enjoy haring my problems with others you can call me an introvert.

it was too early for you to go, I remember how you looked at me, your powerful smile, how you worked so hard every night and day. I hated your boss for making you work that hard day in, day out. i remember how you always wanted the best for me. How we played together. How you asked me if i was fine, you will always be my HERO no matter where you are. 

it was too early for you to go, before i got to know what your favorite color was, what you favorite food was. all i remember was your favorite song, your favorite dance move, i remember that attire i always picked out for you to wear to work. You always asked me knowing the exact one i was going to pick out for you and we both smiled at each other. it just looked so good on you. the lime green just made your smile even brighter. 

it was too early for you to go,  i see life in a very different way. and in most cases i am caught up in my little world. A lonely place even when i have a billion people who love and care about me. i think about the past but i rarely talk about them. somethings hurt so deep that i never feel ready to talk about them with anybody else.

 it was too early for you to go, losing someone you loved so dearly, a best friend is something you can never recover from no matter how long it takes. losing my best friend 13 years back, i was still a kid but the wounds are as fresh as they were in 2006. i’m always fighting with the memory of that year, i have pushed back the tears a billion times and smiled even when my heart was bleeding.

It was too early for you to go, my friends say “you are the happiest girl I have ever come across. “you make every thing seem okay”, ” when do you ever get sad?” ” I have never seen you angry.” i smile and look at them smiling and i feel like my purpose is fulfilled. but when i’m all alone, it hurts.

It was too early for you to go, i have never found someone that i can share this painful memory with. its always there everywhere but i have just never thought of anyone pure enough to hear about it.

It was too early for you to go, i live with it, i sleep with it, i wake up with it every day for the past 13 years. i try my best to try to get through every day without you. it was too soon for you to go. i don’t know if i’m mad at you or sad. it gets harder every day.

It was too early for you to go, i just cant get over you. i needed you so bad. i still do. i have so many questions i want to ask you about. how to go go about with life and this stage of my life i need you even more. you left and days passed by, months, years, decades and i still cant get you out of my mind.

It was too early for you to go, am so scared of letting you down. i don’t want to disappoint you. i watch as everyone grabs what you left behind and i don’t know how to stop it.

it was too early for you to go, i still see you face. you don’t look so happy. i know what i have to do to make your face happy, but i don’t know how.

it was too early for you to go, but i will not let you down. you will be happy again.

It was too early for you to go, The thing I have to remember to hold closest to me is the fact that tomorrow will start again, and though it comes without your presence, it starts again. And thankfully it starts again with the memories of you and all of the wonderful moments you left for me to remember you by. Tomorrow starts again with new moments of joy, new memories to make, new tears, new friends, new adventures and new reasons to look forward to the start of another day. And although tomorrow may start on a sad note, it still starts and it holds the promise of becoming something wonderful.

 

I miss you my best friend. 

ANONYMOUS.

 

 

CHOOSE FREEDOM: the secret to happiness is FREEDOM and the secret to freedom is COURAGE.

I choose to feel good about myself each day.                                                                                   Every morning I remind myself that I can make  the choice to feel good.                                 This is a new habit for Me to cultivate.

I am joyous today.                                                                                                                                   Humor and fun contribute to my total well-being.

Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation.                                     So why not choose to use only positive affirmations to create a new way of thinking,         Acting and feeling ?

Life brings me only good experiences                                                                                               I am open to new and wonderful changes

I deserve to enjoy life.                                                                                                                           I ask for what I want, and I accept it                                                                                                 With joy and pleasure

I am free

The ultimate key to freedom is recognising                                                                                     That everything is a choice.

peace-garden-stone-2026163

Peace and love to all who read this blog.

 

Depression is real and it kills. stay awake!!

Depression rarely gets perceived as a mental disorder in Uganda but it has turned out to be an issue for mental health hospitals as the number of mental patients increases.

According to a 2015 study, up to one third of Uganda’s 40 million people suffer from a kind of mental illness. With over 50 per cent of the country’s urban population living in slum areas, most problems are concentrated there. In kisenyi, katwe, Makerere Kavule in Kawempe division, one of the most densely populated slum areas, people mistake mental disorders for other illnesses.

“Depression is a condition in which someone’s mood is very low, because they think they are hopeless, worthless and helpless and as a result they consider committing suicide”, Doctor Eunice Ayakaka, a senior consultant psychiatrist at Butabika hospital explains.

Butabika hospital being the main mental health referral hospital in Uganda, it receives over 20 mental patients daily yet the resources available at the hospital cannot sustain this growing population. The country has only 20 psychiatrists yet the patients admitted to the mental institute are more than the doctors themselves.

In Uganda, majority of the people are not cautious about their health. Most people are ignorant about depression and they often mistake it for witch craft by the enemies, blood pressure, and other myths they come up with.

“My son’s pressure has risen, and it is disturbing his brain, he was fine but yesterday he was beating up everyone, he beat all the police officers. He grew so fat and am sure he has high blood pressure”, says Niyonzima, the mother to one of the new patient at the hospital.

Depression is in 3 states and in most cases, the people we admit are those with severe depression because such people are dangerous to live with Eunice explains.

The people with mild depression need counselling and care. Moderate can also be counselled but when it proceeds to severe depression then those have to be admitted and monitored because such people are dangerous to live with. severe depression has suicidal thoughts and this is the most dangerous stage.

people with depression tend to isolate themselves, they over sleep, when the speak: they speak in a very low tone and when you look at their facial expression; its extremely sad and suicidal thoughts.

when i was at the mental institute there was a lady who was in tears, her son had been admitted. she narrated her story and hoped someone could help her.

“He locked the door, put the keys in his shirt pocket and started breaking things, I hid under the bed so scared. He was shouting and pacing all over the room. I told him to sit down I was going to give him a bathe, he calmed down and I got out of my hiding and poured water on his head. I took his shirt off and removed the key. I later opened the house and ran out to call the police”, Siima’s mother recalls.

Dr.Eunice says that there are several causes of depression while others are not known. But it occurs more often due to problems in marriages, poverty, loss of loved ones, school fees problems, sometimes they just run within the family.

Depression is a serious issue and people should always take time to access how they feel, see therapists and evaluate how they feel.

“The only way the hospital can manage the increasing numbers of patients is not to admit all of them. We only admit severe cases but if it’s not as severe we attach them to a therapist and give them time to come back for assessment”, explains Doctor Eunice.

However, it is important for the depressed people to be obtained and monitored but the resources cannot permit that as the numbers are high and the resources are limited.